A Steady and Constant Heartbeat

Driving is a form of meditation in motion - the rhythmic movement between the lines, waves of light and sound drift passed in a steady and constant heartbeat. Energy is on the move, and I feel the pulse of life reverberating off my skin. I had a really interesting day, and just couldn't go straight home. I took the long way to enjoy the quickening and peace that come from the road.

I've been reading a lot lately, mainly books I had started and never finished. Yesterday I was engrossed in a new one called The Thirteenth Tale, and read until after 3am. I awoke full of energy and verve, my skin radiating heat, my passions awakened. I'm usually cold and 'not a morning person' doesn't begin to describe it. Was it the return to literature or the ferrous gluconate I've been taking?

My doctor's nurse called me this morning with the results of some labs I've had recently - apparently I reacted poorly to the glucose tolerance test, but my D3 is really good. Now I need an iron tolerance test because my recent labs indicated I have no stores left.....thus the ferrous gluconate. At the DS support group meeting tonight, I inquired about whether hypoglycemia is a known side effect of the DS. The answer I got indicated that there is something that is seen with RNY patients, and it *could* be in the DS population as well - there just haven't been enough cases for it to come to the attention of the researchers.

I also learned late tonight that a DS'er named Kelly K passed away this morning. She was a sweet and interesting woman - knowing that she was at risk for complications, she went into it at peace. Still she could not have imagined the last six months of daily battles she would fight with septic shock, infection after infection, and the ever-present attendance of the man she loved. They had ten good years together, but it's never enough when you're faced with the reality of what 'til death do us part' really means.

My own love confessed this morning that he's been secretly concerned about the potential of pregnancy, which manifested in an odd form of abstinance I only now understand - this despite our use of birth control. I recognize the base of fear isn't really about babies, birth control, or our future together - it's about stability and mitigating risks. He's preparing to take a huge leap into the void, wanting to buy a house, and that's one little duckling that could throw the whole row off track. It's a big decision - where you live is such an important foundation for the life you live within its walls.

I went to a house concert tonight, which was held in a gorgeous location. The house itself had a great open floorplan, simply classic lines with light and air and space in abundance. Walking inside I felt as if I could breathe a little deeper. Even before they took the stage, a quiet vibration of harmony echoed down the hall, up the stairs, stretching out the multitude of windows towards the city lights. I want to live in a house that feels like that.

The music has ended, but certain notes and images linger on. I still feel that steady and constant heartbeat underneath my skin.

--BT