What?! No!

I seem to be saying that a lot lately. People ask me questions, and I look at them like they are insane.

Recently I was on a date. This was a Date Zero (a meet & greet with a guy I'd met online) where we eat, chat & determine a) is this person psycho and b) do I ever want to see them again. Now, a Date Zero is NOT a first date. A first date comes AFTER you've met, and you've figured out that there is a modicum of attraction there, so before the first date is the time you met. It is an introduction. A how-do-you-do. If you met at a party, you wouldn't consider the party to be your first date. It's the same thing - the 'thing' that comes before the date. What comes before one? Zero, of course. So there you have it. I was on a date zero.

He was actually better looking in person than his picture implied, so that was a good start. Seemed a gentleman. Offered to pay for dinner. Did his homework on my profile, and even thought up a date extension or two if things went well. Conversation was fairly easy. We even shot a few games of pool. So far, so good.

Then came the crux move.

We were in his stomping grounds, and everyone there knew him. I'm certain he phrased it differently than this, something about going & listening to him sing. But this is what I heard - did I want to sit *alone* in a crowded bar surrounded by drunk people I don't know while he gets his groove on?

What?! No! That's not a date, and I'm not a groupie.

A week or two ago I was talking to a bank I do business with about getting a HELOC, or Home Equity Line of Credit. I have several things I'd like to take care of - new windows in my condo, have some zero percent balance transfers that will expire in 2009, and I might want to see about getting some reconstructive surgery done, or even purchase a new (to me) car.

Everything was going swimmingly until the end. Instead of 80% equity, they only wanted to go to 65%. The appraisel came back low and would only allow me to get $17k out, and for loans under $25k, they charged a VARIABLE interest rate higher than two of my credit cards. What?! No! I am not putting my house on the line for a WORSE interest rate than I can get via unsecured credit balances on Visa or Mastercard, and a *variable* rate at that. The point of a HELOC is that you're supposed to get a BETTER deal because it's secured.

So then there is the matter of my car. I bought this car four years ago, immediate post-Hurricane-Ivan in Florida. At the time, it was a great deal. It was my brother's fleet car, had reached its mileage limit to either be turned in or purchased, it had NOT just been through a hurricane (unlike every other car in the Gulf Coast region), and I could get it for $3500 under Blue Book value. It wasn't my ideal car - I prefer something a little smaller and sportier myself, but given the situation, it was a deal too good to pass up. At the time I bought it, I was able to pay cash, so I have had the enviable position of having "No Car Payments" for four years. I had planned back then to keep it for four or five years, and then look for something new.

Over the years, I have had some fairly substantial repairs done - perhaps invested $3-4k in it, between tires, brakes, water pump, heater core, yet even with all of that, the money has been well worth it. I've averaged about $75/mo over the four years I've had it, and that's not bad in lieu of a car payment. Fast forward to today.

Last Wednesday evening, I noticed the car giving me some issues as I would attempt to accelerate up a hill on the freeway. It was jerky, and I thought it might be transmission issues given that that would be when a car might attempt to downshift to gain power. Friday evening, the 'check engine' light came on, so I called the Ford dealer and made arrangements to take it in. Saturday morning, they call and give me the low down.

They wanted to replace the head gasket, and because of the way the engine is designed, that means replacing every other gasket in the engine as well. They wanted to replace the timing cover gasket, the water pump gasket, two fuel injectors, and take the heads off to be machined and/or replaced. Ball park estimate (and this could be LOW) was $2550 before taxes.

What?! No!

With 160,000 miles on it, the car is only worth about $1800. They could buy me a whole new car for that, and pocket $750. I called my brother to make sure that I wasn't ignoring good advice over sticker shock, and he agreed with me - the estimate seems *way* out of line. Why does all of that have to be done? What if I only do part of it? If the head gasket is blown, why don't I have milky oil, white smoke or black smoke? There are only three ways a gasket can blow, and it doesn't seem to be affecting any of them.

So I called them back, starting asking for details & writing down what they were saying. I rolled it over in my mind for a day, and decided to go pick up my car & take it somewhere else for a second opinion. I called my old mechanic, and went over what had gone wrong, and the diagnosis I had received. He agreed with me that it wouldn't be worth putting $2500 into the car, so if all of that was truly wrong, he'd let me know and not do anything.

He came back a couple of hours later, with a new diagnosis - one that actually addressed the symptoms I'd been having - and an estimate of $250. Now, he couldn't say for sure until he'd completed it that it would completely fix things, but he was fairly confident that it would. Sure enough, an hour later, the car was running fine.

So.....I called the dealership and asked for a manager in the service department. He'd already left for the day - did I want to talk to someone else in Service? No, but thank you. But I would like the manager's name so I know who to ask for when I call back tomorrow. I'll be asking for a refund.

I have a feeling their initial response will be "What?! No!", but I shall prevail. I have the old part in my car, and I can show them what was actually wrong. I'm not paying for a misdiagnosis, nor am I going to put up with fraud or incompetence from a supposed expert.

I've been frustrated all weekend long, and I finally feel relief. I think I'll go have some shrimp.

--BT

The Best Boyfriend I Never Had

Long ago and far, far away, back in the old BBS days, I was a member of a board called Chrysalis. In its heyday, it was a 64 line board that was *always* busy, with hundreds of active members that would redial for hours trying to get one line to free up. Unlike the anonymity of the Internet today, we all knew each other - in real life.

We had a weekly Lunch Bunch that met on Wednesdays. We had a regular group of 60+ that met at Denny's on Thursday nights, and anywhere from 20 to 100 of us would meet on the weekends at clubs, restaurants and bowling alleys across the Metroplex. We babysat each other's kids, girl-talked about the boys, gossiped about the girls, roasted newbies over an open fire and a number of people dated, mated and married amongst the Chrysalites. We even had t-shirts.

It was an odd time in my life - for about a year and a half, I was really popular. Everyone knew me. Everyone wanted to be where I was, wanted me to come to their parties, and hang out with me. And of course - they wanted to know everything about me. But I was (and am) a very private person, so I didn't talk online about who I was dating in real life.

One of the regulars was a guy named Kana, and rumor had it, we dated and were even engaged for three years. Rumor, however, was wrong. ;)

Around the time that we met, I had made the decision to move several thousand miles away. Life just wasn't working out for me there - I didn't like my job, had trouble with my roommates, my romantic life was going nowhere, and I just needed a new start. My brother lived on the West Coast, and after one vacation too many, he said "Why do you spend two weeks a year here and 50 weeks a year there, when you could do it the other way around?". So I decided to move.....but I needed time to save up, and prepare, so I actually gave my boss three months notice.

Kana was a good-looking guy, about my age, single, in good shape, great personality, olive skin, little bit of an accent, and all heart. He'd lived in Hawaii for a few years after getting out of the military, and opted to leave paradise for Texas, for reasons only he understood. He was single, but he had a policy - never get a new girlfriend until he'd paid off the credit cards from the last one. An admirable stance, to be sure.

That didn't stop him from flirting, however, and he was a popular guy at the weekly gettogethers. Ally and I often said, "I don't know who taught that boy how to hug, but someone should give her a medal". A good hug from him could last five minutes, and you just might want a cigarette afterwards. Whew! (fanning self)

It was not unusual for us to cuddle up in a booth, chattering and flirting away. He'd lean back into me, and I'd casually caress his arms or belly, enjoying the feel of taut muscles under smooth skin. So it's not surprising to me that people thought we were an item.

One Saturday afternoon, a girlfriend and I went shopping at one of the really ritzy malls in town. You have not been shopping until you've been shopping with Krystal. Holy Cow! That woman could get shopgirls running in six directions with a glance, and walk out not buying a THING. We perused furcoats, ostensibly for my mother who was taking a cruise to Alaska. We tried on $100/ounce makeup and $200/ounce perfume. Funny how the $500 shoes didn't quite fit right. Would have to think about those & come back. It was like playing dress up, only we were 28.

That night, Krystal, Kana, Ellen, me, Wynona, and a number of others were in a chatroom together. Ellen was home relaxing & grading homework. Kana had been out late late late on Friday night, so wanted to take it easy on Saturday. Wy had a bad crush on Kana, but he really wasn't interested in her - he just sidestepped the subject as often as possible to avoid hurting her feelings. We were talking about all the cool stuff that we had seen and done, and somehow the conversation turned to weddings.

Ellen talked about her previous marriage. Kana said he would love to get married on Black Diamond Drive in Hawaii, flying everyone in, spending at least $30,000 on the wedding. I was like, "Oh hell no! If there are more than 25 people there, I'm not entirely certain I'd show up!".

From that conversation, Wynona assumed that Kana and I were actually engaged - not just conversing about our ideal wedding scenario. We didn't plan it that way, but once we realized what was going on, we did not try to dissuade her from that notion. It served a purpose for us - it gave her a reason to back off, and leave Kana alone, and I didn't have to worry about meeting/dating anyone new, knowing that I was leaving the area.

He really was a great guy. When everyone else was saying, "Don't go! We'll miss you!", he was the only one who said "Go!". He understood why I had to go. He'd done it before, leaving Hawaii, and he knew it was what I needed. Had we met at a different place and time would we have dated? Perhaps. But for that moment, he was what I needed and vice versa.

And to think, I never saw him anywhere but Denny's. Who'd have thought?

--BT